Not too many years ago, I was living alone. I had started a fresh new job with a great a company, and was living in my first apartment. I went to work everyday, and came home to my solitude. At the time, I was “dating” a not-so-nice person. He rarely made time to see me, and I felt this was a reflection on myself. But, as she always does, A helped me see things in a different light.
Me & A -Payson, Az – Christmas Day 2016
Back then, A and I lived in separate states still. She was in California, and I was here in Phoenix. We’d been blogging buddies for going on six years. As fate would have it, we both had toxic relationships end around the same time. Hers ended first, at the beginning of Summer, and mine happened near the end, in September.
It was like magic. As soon as we cut ties with the toxic people in our lives, this amazing door opened up. She had nowhere to go, I had a couch, and she had an interview with my employer. Long story short, A and I have been living together for nearly three years now, and yes, we still work for the same company.
Leaving the relationship I was in was difficult. It was always an on and off thing, so I suppose the initial breakup wasn’t anything new. But not going back? That part proved to be difficult. But, A got me through it. A gets me through everything.
Living with my best friend taught me it’s okay to be alone. It taught me that you don’t always need to be in a relationship to be happy.
Sure, I still had my lonely nights. There are certain kinds of attention your best friend can’t give you. She was in the same boat. But, we spent a lot of time together, and in seeing how she viewed the world, and others, I realized just how different we were. I was judgy. I had something to say about everyone, not that I always said it. Once I realized just how opinionated I was about things that didn’t warrant my opinion, I had to pull myself out of my comfort zone. I could no longer blame my conservative/religious upbringing. I was 26 years old and these were my behaviors that I was responsible for.
I started holding myself accountable for my own actions. I starting taking responsibility for my own beliefs and opinions. I’ll tell you, this took some adjusting. I found that I automatically had opinions on things, but when I sat back and thought about these opinions, I realized I didn’t agree. These were what I like to call “conditioned opinions”. They were what I was taught. And I began to separate myself from them.
I no longer based the way I felt about people on how they looked, which is something I had done most of my life.
Next, I began to question everything, especially politics and religion. I registered to vote as an independent, instead of a conservative. I started to actually research the Christian religion. It was as if it had been carved into my bones. My entire life revolved around it. That changed as I found facts about Christianity. Found facts meaning discovering there really aren’t any.
I began looking into homeopathic remedies, nutritional remedies, and alternative medicine. Nowadays, the only medications I take are for my asthma. There’s just no way around those unfortunately.
About a year after A moved in with me, I met Jon. The way we met wasn’t anything special. We started talking on a dating app. Before I moved out of my comfort zone, Jon and I wouldn’t have talked at all. I was superficial and I had my type. I would settle for nothing less than men that looked like they fell out of a Greek Mythology Story. Jon was different. He’s slim and slender and stands at 6 feet tall. But, he had the kindest eyes, and I just couldn’t ignore them.
After taking for a month or so, we decided to hang out to watch movies one night, and that was it. There were no questions or games. We spent time together. We both enjoyed it. And we decided to expand on that. In September, we’ll be celebrating our 2 year anniversary at our favorite place, Disneyland.
I am a completely different person than I was a few years ago. I stick out like a sore thumb at family gatherings with my tattoo, blue hair, and septum piercing. But, for the first time in my life, I am okay with not being like everyone else. I don’t need everyone to like me anymore. I work to please people still, but they’re the people who do the same for me.
Finally removing myself from my comfort zone is absolutely the best thing I have ever done for myself.
Me & Jon – Memorial Day Weekend 2017
Until next time,